My Friend Michael Howery

One of my best friends, Michael Howery, passed away in December 2021, and I have missed him. Even though I moved to Arizona several years ago, Mike and I would get together when I came to Utah. We were both old men then and would go to his favorite place for pancakes in Murray, Utah.  It would take at least two trips on my part as he would forget to pick me up at the Frontrunner Station in Murray, so I would have to take the train back and then drive to his house and pick him up. The last time I saw him he could barely walk, but refused my assistance to help him to the door.  Four months later he died.

Mike and I met at the office of the Utah Attorney General in 1973. I had just gotten out of the Marine Corps and went to work for the Utah Attorney General where Mike was working. We both worked across the street on 4th South from the old Third District Courthouse, and represented the state in collecting child support from mostly men who had failed to pay, and whose spouse ended up on welfare.  The state had a right to recoup welfare payments made to the spouse. We were only there a few months when I went to work with a small law firm. I later got Mike an interview there but he turned down their offer.

We immediately became good friends, life long friends who shared a passion for learning the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Mike was the most feeling and passionate person I knew, but not the most sensible man in the world. These traits rarely go together, but Mike was infinitely better and far more rare. Most people have a wish list, but Mike had a wish file (A-Z) where he would put things that he wanted, like cars, houses and other things. This was a paradox in Mike who really didn't want any of these things, but thought he did. He knew they would not make his life better, but he loved to think they would.

We began our learning the Gospel together by sharing articles, or I should say Mike would find, copy and give me articles to read. They were from many sources and they eventually led us to discover Hugh Nibley and later Avraham Gileadi. We devoured Nibley together, first reading what at that time were his essays which had not yet been published in book form. Mike would go down to FARMS in Provo and find them, buy them and always bring me a copy.  Many were marked in his unforgettable sharp penmanship with elaborate arrows and notes and underscores.  I cherished these the most because I could see what had made an impression on him at that time, only to later receive these same articles marked totally differently. It was through His reading of Nibley, but not just Nibley, but the scriptures quoted by Nibley that he lost his desire for things, or at least thought he did.  

Yes, he still wanted a big house and a nice car, but he never really worked at it like most of us would.  Instead he 'hoped' he would get it. This led him to others with the same hope and dreams and they waited their entire lives for the millions of dollars they were going to receive. He told me many times that the money had been 'wired,' was 'in the bank,' or just needed this paper or that paper to get it. I never deflated his hope, because I would have loved to see him have it because by this time he would have used it much differently than buying all the things in his wish file. But I knew he never would. It was not in the cards for him. The Lord had other more important things to teach him. And the paradox? He knew it.

There was one characteristic of God that Mike did not like and that was the justice of God. He could not understand how God could punish us. I think this stemmed from the fact that Mike could not punish anyone. Sure, he could be upset with someone and even say something to them, but he could not punish. He didn't like words like God's anger or God's wrath. But at the time I didn't understand it either and by the time it was revealed to me, he also learned it and we rejoiced together in God's mercy and understood that everything God does, He does because He loves us. He learned that God loves us so much that, as Mike said, he will even burn the hell out of us if we do not repent and come to him.

Mike had a problem with authority, especially in the church. He struggled with it and yet knew many of the brethren personally. His sense of truth was in tune with the equality of men and he did not believe we needed a hierarchy in the church. And although he loved them He did not like the way some of them treated others. The 'September 6' was a struggle for him. He knew many of these individuals and could not understand how a few men (because of the hierarchy) could influence others contrary to the teachings of Christ, and excommunicate them. He believed in forgiveness and charity. He didn't think the church needed protecting. If it could not stand alone on the teachings of Christ and His words, then it should fail. 

There were few, if any, who were better teachers than Mike, but his faith in Christ alone got him into trouble with local leaders on occasion, like the time Mike wore a crucifix when he taught the Gospel Doctrine class. Or during a discussion when he was on the High Council about wearing white shirts, he offered the solution that perhaps they should wear while collars instead. 

His ability to see connections and teach them was a gift and I am grateful that he shared his gifts with me. We got together for lunch and/or golf almost every week, sometimes more than once a week. We would discuss for hours what we were learning and how some things that we observed were contrary to the teachings of Christ. But we knew that we were not to 'steady the ark' as it was not our job. But we did learn, because we studied Isaiah, that there was one who was an arrow hidden in the Lord's quiver who would come and restore Israel and that the Lord would complete His great and marvelous work, and that some in the hierarchy would fight against the Lord's servant. If there was one thing Mike taught me, it was that the Lord was in charge. 

Mike was a romantic and loved music. In fact one of his all time favorite songs was You're The Reason God Made Oklahoma. Only a true romantic would love this song. I still listen to it and think of Mike and the feelings evoked from this song about love and romance. He wanted a love story and shared mine with me. He was happy for me when I married Annie. He, like no one else, understand the power of true love.

His life in his later years became more about love. While his children made decisions that saddened him, he never abandoned them, but continued to love them notwithstanding all the heartache and frustrations. His wife, Sally, was his rock and he knew it. She suffered so many heartaches herself and yet continued to be there for Mike even after all the bad business decisions he made. It was her talents that stabilized Mike and helped him live his later years without having to worry about money. His wish files were all gone. He read and continued to give me, instead of articles, books by Christian and even Jewish writers who he felt understood the Gospel and grace of Christ better than we in the church did. These books are still treasures for me because they came marked with his notes, arrows and highlights.

In our later years, (it was almost 50 years ago that we met) we just enjoyed each other and commented on what a blessing it was in our lives to have found each other. We knew it was not by chance and that the Lord had a hand in it because He wanted us to learn what we did learn so we could teach it to others.

Mike hated obituaries because he thought they made everyone into a saint, so he didn't want one. He thought they were phony and focused too much on accomplishments. Which reminds me of how much he hated those blurbs in the Church News about new Mission Presidents and General Authorities because they always had to say what great businessmen, administrators, professionals, etc, they had been. He felt the church called people to the hierarchy based on their worldly accomplishments. 

Mike chose not to have a funeral for the same reason and donated his body to the University of Utah Medical School. 

So Like Mike! 

Maybe this is my attempt to write his obituary so that Sally, Sarah, John, the twins and Julie can understand how Mike influenced my life and how much I loved him and still love him, and that I miss him terribly, even though I still feel Mike's influence in my life. 

I love you Mike.